Rewriting My Story

Today in my graduate class, a literacy institute on writing, I met an amazing motivational speaker and author named Anne Schober.  As Anne shared her very personal story, a painful story that she had written down, I was moved to tears.  Her story made me cry for several reasons.  For one, her writing took me to the place she was physically and emotionally in that story -- a painful, lonely place of brokenness, despair, and shame.  For another, there was story of healing and empowerment that came from telling her story.  And I realized I was not only crying tears of both sadness and joy for her, I was also crying for me.  I was thinking of my own story right now and wondering if I could experience the kind of healing she has through writing.  During one of the writing exercises she had us do, I realized that the majority of the words I used to describe things about myself -- things on the outside that others can see and my thoughts on the inside that I hide--are negative.  And while Anne's story really helped me to see the importance of sharing our stories and helping students to share theirs, I was an emotional wreck the rest of the day.  I couldn't shake the deep sadness I felt.  All of my stories right now are sad ones -- stories of hurt, anger, resentment, fear, and loss.  I know I need to tell them, but telling them doesn't change them.  
Tonight, by some strange coincidence, my husband turned on Netflix and we watched Derren Brown.  If you've never seen him, you should check him out.  He's quite incredible.  Anyway, the big take away was that the stories we tell ourselves are powerful ones that can change our lives for the better or worse.  And all of us have control over just two things--our thoughts and our actions.  It made me realize that my story, lately, has been all about the hurtful things that I can't change or control.  I can't change the past. I can't get back what I have lost.  I can't control how others treat me.  But I can control the story I tell myself about why things happen, and I can change how I react to them.  I need to let go of all of the things I can't control or change, and begin to rewrite my story.  And in my new story, I'm going to be the hero, not the victim.